Great lines from Downtown Owl

The reviews seem to all be saying the ending is sketchy but I really like this book so far, partly because I know a little something something about growing up in a small town in the 80's. Although, I grew up in Kentucky and Paris, Ky (population: 8000. Salute!)  within 30 minutes of Lexington sounds like a veritable metropolis compared with Owl, ND, population 800 and change and falling.

So far, I'm liking Julia the best. Which figures.

Here the Principal explains to Julia, who is young and new in town for her first teaching job, what Owl has going for it:

"And you've probably heard that the movie theater is going to close, and I'm afraid that's true: It is closing. But the bowling alley is thriving. It's probably the best bowling alley in the region. I honestly believe that."

By chance, Julia did enjoy bowling. however, when the most positive detail about your new home is that the bowling alley is thriving, you have to like bowling a lot in order to stave off depression. And-right now, in the middle of this conversation-Julia was more depressed than she had ever been in her entire 23 year existence. As she sat in Walter Valentine's office, she felt herself wanting to take a nap on the floor. ..Julie could feel hydrochloric acid inside her tear ducts. There was an especially fuzzy tennis ball in her esophagus, and she wanted to be high.

...

She soon arrived in her apartment, where she had no furniture (and no idea how to acquire any, as there were apparently no furniture stores within a 30 mile radius.) ...Julie reached into the same cardboard box and found her copy of The Random House Thesaurus (College Edition), which contained drugs. The day before leaving Madison, Julia and her college roommates meticulously rolled four perfect joints and hid them in the thesaurus, operating under the assumption that buying pot would be impossible in small-town North Dakota (which was, in fact, the case.) The plan was that Julia could smoke one joint after the first day of class, one on Thanksgiving (which she would have to spend alone), and one after the last day of school in May.  The fourth was a spare....Julia sat in her sleeping bag and smoked three of them, all in a row. It was 2:45pm.

One of the other characters is Horace, an elderly farmer and lifelong Owl resident who hangs out with his peers in a local coffee shop. Here they are arguing about Columbus Day:

"They should recognize the man," said Bud.

"Why?" asked Edgar.

"The man deserves recognition."

"That's not an answer to the question. You're just repeating what you already said. That's not an argument."

"Why should I have to explain why Columbus is important? You're acting like a two-dollar jackass."

"I just think it's idiotic that we don't get mail today, simply because Columbus was a bad explorer. You do realize he discovered America by accident, right? He thought the Indians were pygmies."

"We all know that," said Bud. "That isn't the point. Have you not listened to anything we've been saying for the past twenty minutes? Do you have shit in your ears?"

"You know, they say Columbus was a rapist," said Edgar. "I don't know if that's fact or fiction, but it's certainly not impossible. And I'd hate to think we didn't get our mail this morning in tribute to an Italian rapist."

This sounds just like a bunch of old guys egging each other on.

The third narrator is Mitch Hrlicka, a high school junior and fair to poor football player. He hates his coach and English teacher, John Laidlaw. Here, Laidlaw asks the class a question about 1984, the book the entire school is reading in anticipation of it being, well, 1984 in a few months, and Klosterman narrates what all 22 students are thinking. Ahhh, youth. Here are just a few:

1) How awesome it would feel to be sleeping.

3) What it would feel like to be asleep.

6) An empty room, filled only with white light and silence (this was Rebecca Grooba.)

9) Theoretical ways to make a Pontiac Grand Prix more boss, such as painting a panther on the hood or moving the entire steering column and floor pedals to the passenger side, which would likely be impossible without a cherry picker and extremely expensive tools.

10) The meaning (and linguistic derivation) of the phrase "Gunter glieben glauchen globen," as heard during the preface to Def Leppard's "Rock of Ages."

12) Robot cows

22) Firing a crossbow into the neck of John Laidlaw while he received fellatio from Tina McAndrew (This was Mitch.)


Tina being the student that the married Laidlaw allegedly slept with and impregnated (actually, not even allegedly because he reminisces about it in an earlier chapter.) Her parents sent her out of town. I remember this kind of stuff did happen, including the sending the shamed girl away part.


I feel a certain kinship with Mitch because my English teachers all seemed to hate me too. Part of the reason Mitch (last name: Hrlicka) hates Laidlaw is because he calls Mitch "Vanna"-as in, his last name needs to buy vowels:

"How about you, Vanna?" said Laidlaw.

"What?"

"What do you think about this?"
"I didn't hear the question," said Mitch. "The radiator is too loud."
"The radiator is not working, Vanna," said Laidlaw. "However, I'm not surprised that you are hearing things. That is, after all, a sign of psychosis. As such, I will pose my question again, this time above the din of the imaginary radiator. WHO. ARE. THE THOUGHT POLICE?"

I swear I had this same teacher in high school except his name was Kokas and he was the history teacher/baseball coach.